ControllingVs. Loving

imageI write this because of my post on my Facebook fan page regarding the lady whose partner verbally abuses and keeps wanting back.

You may be in that relationship where that person calls you every minute of the day and you are enjoying it. It’s two things: Either he or she is still infatuated or it’s a warning sign of very low self-esteem/insecurity. They often act like its love that is pushing them but the truth is that they are very insecure. They keep telling you it’s because they miss you; it’s more about lack of trust, very low self-esteem, and some monitoring spirits in him/her. You are not the only one in that office or house with a loving partner, others do have better people in their lives but the only difference is that they are busy and confident, they know that no one can take their woman/man because they know their self-worth.
I have also seen people being advised by their partner to withdraw from every friend they had and I see people foolishly obeying this order all in the name of “I love you”. I hear una; your eyes go soon clear. I can understand when he or she is telling you to withdraw from that friend with a strong argument on why it should be so; if you love your partner, please listen to her/him. But if after serious thought, you conclude that the guy/babe is very low in self-esteem, you better run for your life because losing your friends and relations for such a person may not be worth it after all. Never allow anyone manipulate you all in the name of love; what we often times call love is nothing but infatuation. To know what love is, please read 1Corinthians 13.
A manipulator will use every available means to box you to a corner and keep you in his/her own cage for life. I keep saying this; you don’t lose your individuality for anyone, that man/woman saw you the way you are, admired you, and came for you. If he/she can’t cope with you, there are several others looking for your type as well as millions looking for his/her type. Never act to be loved and accepted; be you from day one. It becomes a problem when you act for months just to get that person only for you to start revealing your true identity by the time you feel relaxed.
People with very low self-esteem try to control your life and possibly run it for you. When you try to control someone instead of empowering them, it shows that you feel threatened. Jealous partners who are manipulative and don’t allow their significant others to talk to the opposite sex or to go out and enjoy themselves without their handbag (the partner) act this way due to low self esteem. It stems from the fear of losing that person because they don’t feel they are good enough.
We are always quick to criticize celebrities whose marriages crash. I know some of them get carried away, but the fact remains that they are not always the problem. The problem gets created the very day they choose to marry a man or woman who doesn’t understand what it means to be a celebrity. You can’t marry a celebrity and expect a normal life. Omotola’s husband understands this and he is a man who is very high in self-esteem and so when we are out here complaining about a man kissing Omotola or placing hands on her buttocks at the Grammys, Captain Ekeinde is bothered by how much she is making and how she can become the number one celebrity in Nigeria; he’s thinking of the next Arik aircraft that he has to fly. A lesson for our celebrities: never marry that man or woman because of how much money or love she/he professes, look inwards, try him/her in several ways to measure his/her level of self-esteem. If he/she wants to be in that relationship with you, he/she must understand your line of business and career. You don’t expect a Genevieve Nnaji or Nadia Buari to become a Prof. Dora Akunyili (RIP); even her husband will tell you how much he had to sacrifice to see his wife up there. You admire these great women but you can’t stand your wife not serving dinner herself. Did Aunty Dora serve dinner every night when she was busy running the affairs of NAFDAC and Nigeria? You dont expect a Van Vicker to become a Professor Pat. Utomi; his career thrives on controversy, the more the talk, the better the publicity and that’s more money for his pocket. Any man or woman who is jobless to the level that the only question you get is “who is this person”, “why did he/she shake your hands that way”, “why stand too close to him/her in the elevator”…is very low in self-esteem and you can help yourself by telling yourself the truth early enough. This doesn’t take away your partner’s right to ask questions, but it becomes a problem when it becomes a part of your daily routine.
Those with high self esteem are always looking to give power to other people knowing that they themselves are in full control of their own life. If that person hasn’t improved in his or her career since meeting you, you are simply irrelevant. How many ideas have you put into that person’s head and how have you contributed to make sure that he or she excels in that very idea you conceived? Some folks are good in talking but nothing to push the talk. Hear this: if your life is stagnant or on retrogression since you met that person, it’s possibly time to do some serious thinking and do the right thing.
People who are low in self-esteem will use every available opportunity to put you down. To them, you are never getting it right. You are never a good person to him/her. His/her ex is better than you. People from your place don’t make good husband/wife… Just a cover up for his/her inadequacies.
Never allow desperation or what humans like you will say to make you do the wrong thing in life. Consider your line of business and your career before choosing your life partner. If he or she cannot cope with your masters degree now, what makes you think he/she can handle you being a professor tomorrow? A broken engagement is always better than a broken marriage (I know what I am talking about here because I have been there).
Don’t make today, choices you can’t comfortably live with tomorrow. Break out and break forth.
Have a swell time in God’s presence today; He’s all that matters

3 Responses so far.

  1. Simon O.A says:

    God bless you you Sis Amara, you’r a blessing indeed. God is all that matters… #nothing else but God

  2. Godson says:

    Woa what an inspirational rigth up. Really learnt a lot. God bless u aunty Amara.

  3. Pep says:

    Amara, you have just put a name on it :”Self Esteem” without this, a person will be miserable in any relationship.

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