Give me what I need

imageWhen I write certain things on marriage, I see so many people reacting negatively to it. You are right, but does your reaction make my word a lie? Certainly no. That you got into marriage with the wrong person doesn’t make marriage to stop being a beautiful thing.
Marriage remains the most beautiful thing ever. Yes, I was battered and bruised; some days I was locked up with no food just because I tried to ask a question; I saw women brought into the matrimonial bedroom only for me to clear up the used condoms after it all, without questions; my things were constantly stolen by the numerous girls coming in and out of our home; my house helps suddenly became my madams; even on Sunday mornings, I was beaten and I always went to church with scars on and in my eyes and all people could see were the designer sunshades covering the bleeding eyes and clothes covering the bleeding heart; I had no right to say ‘no’ to those very expensive gifts because that would mean hell for me, the world saw the wealth and affluence and believed that I was in second heaven. Even when a baby from one of the numerous girlfriends was brought into my home, I covered it up and took care of her for seven years. What are the things you have seen leading you to draw the conclusion that marriage is bad? I am sure you haven’t heard 5% of my story.
Because I never complained to anyone, not even my mother, everyone believed ours was marriage made in heaven. For fourteen years, I couldn’t speak out because all I thought of was religion and my father’s image as a pastor. But all of a sudden, I realized that I was dying and gradually losing my sanity. I cried to God to take me out from that hell. God did answer; and supernaturally, I was locked out of my home of fourteen years. Did they just stop at that? No; they had to cover up their lies by using the media against a helpless soul and that’s why I tell people never to believe everything they read about people because all it takes most times is just 10,000 Naira. Who would fight for me? No one, but God showed up.
Let me not start, I am not going into my story because the time is not ripe and God hasn’t given the go-ahead for me to make it plain. I only want to show you that if there is anyone who should advise against marriage and use all the offensive words on men, I am. I was just a teenager when it happened and even when that wasn’t my choice, I made sure I lived according to biblical principles of marriage and that is why I can walk with shoulders high because I know there will never be another like me for him, he has confirmed that.
I am happy now because God gave me beauty for ashes and caused me to forget my years of misery. I am now loved and spoilt to bits and I love my husband. But I wouldn’t be here today if I had sealed my heart with that “marriage is not necessary and there’s nothing good about it”; I wouldn’t have met my husband if I bought into that “men are useless”. I almost did, but thank God for my pastor who changed that mindset at a very early stage and told me that God took me through it for Him to use me as a vessel of honour who would speak from experience and with every boldness. Today, I have come to agree with my pastor that what I went through was in the plan for my life, it was for my ministry and God has to use Judas for the prophecy on salvation to be made real. This is why I bear no grudge. I pray daily for him for God to make his life beautiful.
Let me tell you, marriage is a very beautiful thing and it is the desire of every woman or man to be married. Yes, you may not want to seem desperate but don’t let your carefulness become foolishness. You can only get it right if you don’t leave God out of it. Commit your ways to Him and He shall direct your paths. Before I met my husband, I prayed and opened up to God. I told God to ignore every man around me or whoever I had in mind to settle down with; I told Him to give me His own will and not mine. God being God, He blessed me with someone I never liked and as I went close to him, I saw a different person entirely. He brought joy and laughter back to my life (I love you honey).
Our problem is this issue of “this is what I want”. It’s good to set standards, I do too. But where we are different is that after setting my standards, I always ask God to do His own thing His own way. Daily, after my prayers and supplications, I conclude by saying “Father, this is what I want, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done in my life”. It has always worked like magic and the blessings of God make rich and add no sorrow. My husband is a confirmation to me that God truly loves me because to him, Amara is just a baby girl. You may want him tall with athletic body, light or dark skinned, short, tongue-talking, spirit filled, huge, super educated; God’s package for you may not look like any of those things but inside it is what you really need. My husband is handsome and super cute, but in terms of spirituality, I wouldn’t have thought of going close to him, I eventually did only to realize that he is more spiritual and closer to God than the actors in church. May God never give you what you want; may He bless you with what you truly need.
The reason we complain is because we ignore God and do it our own way. Prophet Samuel almost anointed the wrong person king just because he was charismatic and more like it. When David finally appeared, he was dirty, tattered, and with no glory. But that’s the chosen one for Israel. You married him because he is good looking and super rich. You married her because she is “Miss Universe” with straight legs, curvy body, and pointed breasts. You married him or her because of the financial benefits; what then happens when and if those things cease to exist? You married, not because you can trust him or her; not because God asked you to; not because you genuinely loves him or her, but because of your own selfish reasons.
Every Satan’s gift has an expiry date. If you are one of God’s favorites, He will find a way to cause commotion and bring you out from the mess you got into. When you are out, don’t hate men or women because of your experience, see God’s hand in it and get up again. If you cannot trust your spouse with your material possession, why go ahead deceiving yourself and answering married man or woman? If you can’t trust your spouse, millions are out there trusting and loving genuinely. That you made a mistake doesn’t mean every other person did/does.
And the two shall become one flesh, on this I stand!

13 Responses so far.

  1. ify says:

    Sweet anuty,Our true God shall always continue to be your shield.I am so grateful to God for making me come in contact with you,congratulations ma….. your Union is Blessed and sealed with the blood of Jesus christ.

  2. Somto says:

    God bless you for opening my eyes.

  3. Nkem says:

    I really love this piece, Amara. May the Almighty God continue to bless you as you’ve taken it upon yourself to educate us. Thanks.

  4. becky says:

    Wow! What a wonderful write up. More. Grease to your elbow. May u never be an abondoned vessel. It really change my mind set. Thanks so much ma

  5. Gozie says:

    U’re a wife indeed. Love to talk or write u in private. Kindly inbox me. I have not really been a good husband. I need to talk to u about1.

  6. Chioma says:

    Our good God will continue to bless you as you keep on encouraging people through the widom and knowledge He gave you. Thanks alot

  7. Godson says:

    Hhhhhhmmmmm very Educating, God bless u 4 This piece of advice.

  8. Carol says:

    I love your courage and trust in God! God’s plans are always the best…….yes!

  9. oge says:

    May God bless you

  10. peter says:

    my mentor God bless u inugo

  11. Uju says:

    Been through all this , still standing shining…
    You are a living testimony, Surely I will testify.

    Love U’

  12. Maureen says:

    You re so right aunty Amara…I almost got to dat point myself, the point of hating men, when my engagement with a guy ended…I almost ran away from church, bcos of all d nasty things people said behind my back, it really crushed me…but tank God for His unspeakable gift…hmmmm, if no be God where I for dey…He actually brought my way, someone I call a friend but who has always been there, I just cldnt bliv and still find it difficult to bliv dat good men still exist, he is an example of one…although I dnt know what God’s plan for d both of us is, I will always tank Him for bringing me succour in d form of a man, after one man left me broken and bitter. Tank u for sharing dis piece, I see I have every reason to tank God always for His faithfulness and steadfast love.

  13. Pep says:

    I pray God should enlighten the heart, and open the eyes of everyone so as to know when to stay and or when to leave. Because there are so many woman who are still in worse situations than what you went through.
    Anyway, am happy about your new marriage Amara, keep up the good work.

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