Marriage, God’s Own Way

imageI don’t think marriage should be for everyone. Some married people should have been advised to remain single. Many are married but there is no difference between them and those who are still single. Many love to be married but they want to be encouraged to act single. When I look at the way married men and women of our time behave, I feel it would have been better they never married. They want to be addressed as married but nothing about them says they are married. You shouldn’t eat your cake and have it, simply quit marriage and remain single.
I see preachers jump from place to place all in the name of crusades and evangelism. The most annoying part of this is that they sometimes travel with their PAs or one deaconess who is someone’s wife. Why then won’t they travel with their own wife? This has made a good number of our pastors’ wives to become promiscuous, going after other men and church assistants and in most cases, lesbianism. A lot of people condemn John Wesley’s wife, but I don’t because she was a woman who wanted intimacy with her husband. When Kenneth Hagin went before the Lord to complain about his wife’s constant nagging over his ignoring her, the Lord told him that his first ministry is his home. Benny Hinn’s marriage recently ended because of this same problem (thank God they are back together).
I recently raised this issue on social media and below is one of the numerous reactions I got
“Yesterday I was asking this Pastor friend of mine why he is traveling with his wife to a conference I organized since his wife is a busy pediatrician and as far as I am concerned the conference is not a vacation and that his wife may end up being a distraction to him focusing on his message at the conference . What he said next surprised me . ‘Have you heard my wife sing ?’ He asked . I said No I have not and she does not look like she can sing either . The wife was standing there listening so she went into this atmosphere of worship and did a song that I thought maybe Whitney Houston resurrected . The wife said to me my husband’s sermons are at the tops when I prepare the atmosphere of worship just before he speaks at conferences, so I rested my case . Later during conversation she said though she is a busy doctor during the week she spends her weekend helping the best she could at church because that is what her husband expects of her and that her husband visits her clinic at least once a week to pray with her staff and take her to lunch or bring lunch for her because most times she is too busy to remember lunch.
Anyone can marry but you do not get married to continue your individual interest , hobby or career. You must not pursue same interests , career etc but you should continuously find ways to be involved in each other’s interests and wants even if you do not like them.”

I agree with this my fan and I must say this: Men are not alone in this; many women allow spirituality take the place of intimacy in marriage. Even female preachers who should know better are becoming worse than their male counterpart. In fact, it’s now more of abomination in holy places. Female preachers ignore their husbands and children and tour the world with their male partners who help to warm their beds. Do you find this shocking? I do too but that’s the order of the day.
And you female church member, are you supposed to ignore your husband just because your pastor or his wife wants to travel with you? You don’t cook for your husband but you go to the market for your pastor and his wife? The only thing left for you to do is to buy your “daddy’s” underwear. Even when you are in the bedroom with your husband and they call, you abandon the man who should be the most important person in your life to go and see your daddy. God is not happy with your continuous foolishness and mockery of His word. Your pastor knows everything that happens in your home, even how many times you sleep with your husband. Your husband is no longer worth more than ten Kobo in the eyes of people just because he is married to a woman who doesn’t know when and where to draw a line. You are of all women, most miserable.
Draw a line between spirituality or do I say, religious devotion, and marriage. Dress to please your husband and never your pastor. Your husband wants your clothes well tailored and nicely fitted, he is not asking you to expose your body, all he wants is to see that same woman he fell in love with but no, he is leading you to hell. Suddenly, his young and beautiful wife dresses like her aged mother all in the name of religion.
Stop copying “mummy’s” style because that is what her husband likes; go for what your own husband likes. Your mummy in The Lord wear oversized skirt and velvet as scarf and that’s your style even when your man hates it. Mummy wears Queen Elizabeth’s kind of nightwear from Marks and Spencer and you, a vibrant young women wears same; I pity you because he sees those with sexy lingerie from La Senza on TV and wishes to have his wife appear that way in the bedroom. What you don’t know is that no matter the level of spirituality, men love those beautiful things. He attends that velvet scarf and turtle neck church with you but he still loves those beautiful things. And who says you can’t look beautiful and attractive in your high neck dress and velvet headtie? You just have to brush yourself up.
Mr preacher and prayer warrior, please stop using crusades as an excuse to ignore your wife and home because God will hold you responsible for her failures and mistakes. It’s possible your wife has joined that devilish league of lesbians and so she doesn’t even feel your absence any longer. Enjoy your endless crusades and ministrations. A young pastor’s wife recently sent me a text message confiding in me that she has been cheating on her husband. This very woman has been married for just two years and all she gets from the man is daily fasting and ministration. Even Apostle Paul, in the Bible, implores us to avoid long period of fasting as married people to avoid giving the devil a chance in our homes. Many preachers are out there shouting hallelujah when their home is on fire.
Another pastor’s wife called lamenting over the treatment she gets from her pastor husband. She was a qualified nurse working in a very good hospitals and getting good salary. After marriage, the husband asked her to quit her job and she obeyed. To her surprise, life is now unfair to her. The same man who asked her to stop working has never given her money to take care of herself. She can only change her hair or buy underwear when a church member blesses her. But the surprising thing is that this same pastor takes care of a deaconess in church as if she is the wife. This is someone’s wife being taken care of by a man who has failed to take care of his own wife. Tell me how this woman will be happy in that ministry. When you see a pastor’s wife being nasty, don’t judge her right away; she could be going through pain in the hands of that man you adore.
Back to you Madam busy executive; When was the last time you cooked for your husband and children? When last did your husband enjoy your body? I don’t mean lying like a log of wood because you are too tired; I mean real love making. When last did your husband have some quiet time with you to discuss important issues? Are you one of those whose only discussion with their spouse is about targets and clients? Are you too busy to follow your husband to events? Are you one of those who feel to big to hangout with their husband and friends? I was shocked the very day a husband whose wife is a bank manager called me. According to him, he gave the wife a two weeks ultimatum after several attempts to get her to shower at night failed. She gets home everyday only to wash her face and jump into bed with the excuse of being tired. The man had to give this ultimatum since she refused to change. I am sure many are like this woman; he can’t even enjoy sex with you because of the terrible odour that oozes out of your southern hemisphere. Don’t worry, another woman shall become your assistant soon.
Family is all that will matter at the end of the day. Someday, you will be too tired to run the ministry; you won’t be able to run that business; your company will lay you off for a younger blood, the only thing that will matter is your family-spouse and children.
Like I always say; men don’t want to be conquered, they love to conquer. The moment you become a thick madam to them, they are out there looking for a baby girl. Guys, women, even when they act tough, want to be pampered. The very day you begin to treat her like a fellow man, she begins to slip away from your hands right before your eyes.
Finally, in the words of a fan, “Marriage remains the most beautiful union which I’m privileged to be experiencing and I can never trade it for the most flamboyant or glamorous bachelorhood. I don’t even imagine that any other woman will give me companionship better than my wife in everything. A reason I always want to run back home to meet her whenever life struggles keep us apart”.
People, this should be the words of each and everyone of us in marriage. Your home is what you make it. You must first of all determine to make it work and then put in your best to make it work. Never go into marriage with a wrong mindset because you will be frustrated.

4 Responses so far.

  1. peter says:

    tell them

  2. Uju says:

    Good word spoken in good season,…. for those that have ear
    *me join* God help us

  3. oluyomi ajibola says:

    Nice write up typical of Amara . Blunt and pungent as usual.

  4. Olaitan Adedoja says:

    This is a very strong words spoken and it’s good to have people like amara opening our ears every now and then.

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