To my fellow ladies


I know the clock is ticking; I know your mother gets excited whenever she sees a man in your house; I know she even goes out of her way to ask what they have going with you. But you shouldn’t let these things bother you. I know it’s only human to be worried about not getting married. Our society is one where a woman is expected to be married immediately after school. I know that every woman in her rig senses, no matter how much she claims not to be bothered, wants to have her own family. But are you now supposed to allow these things get you down to the level you shouldn’t be? These are things you should do

Michelle writes: Understand the meaning of love
Don’t let desperation take your brain away. Before you can consider if a man is a husband material, he should be able to hit three buttons in your heart-you must like him, love him, and be in love with him. If one of these buttons doesn’t work, watch and wait. If you choose to be in love with him without first loving him, there is a problem. There is no such thing as falling in love because love is higher than us.

Amara writes: Avoid sympathy marriage
Don’t let desperation keep you in a relationship that is not working for you. Don’t stay there and force your heart into marriage with him just because you don’t know when next another man will come if you lose this very one. Never allow a man marry you out of pity. A lady called me sometime ago lamenting over her husband’s attitude towards her. They got married just 2012 December. She told me the man never wanted to marry her after eight years of dating. But the man changed his mind when she threatened to kill herself. She allowed him to marry her out of pity. Just two months after their wedding, he wakes up every morning grumbling over the mistake of marrying her. He no linger eats her food and now life is more miserable for her. I told her that it is only God that can change his heart. My dear ladies, that you foolishly dated a man for eight years is not a reason to marry him. I don’t think a God will hold it against him if he decides not to marry you after it all. Did he ever promise you marriage?
Don’t be among those foolish ladies who believe they can use their money to buy love. If a guy doesn’t love you, you can do all you like just to keep him; he will stay and continue acting for you until he gets his own money. If he walks out of that relationship later on, don’t blame him rather blame yourself for being foolish in the name of love. You can never buy his heart with your money and body; he knows where his heart is. Stop running to “die by fire churches” to pray against his new relationship; he never promised you marriage. It was just a dating relationship and not courtship. Know when to call it a quit.
Michelle writes: Please don’t be like the lady who refuses to admit that she needs larger shoes. She just keeps squeezing her feet into a shoe two sizes smaller, then complains that her feet hurt. Now whose fault is that? Love definitely does not look painful or uncomfortable.

Get busy and get a life.
Michelle writes: “If an idle mind is the devils workshop, then an empty life has got to be the most fabulous playground he’ll ever romp across. Empty spaces attract all the wrong types. Unclaimed territory is an open invitation for all kinds of undesirable individuals to squat. They have nothing to offer. They are just looking for an open place to drop themselves and their garbage.
Whatever you do, do not-I repeat-do not sit around saying to yourself, “Well, when I get the right man my life will begin.” You better get a life. As a general rule, those who wait for others to entertain them only seem boring to those who have the ability to entertain. So make yourself interesting. Start living a life of purpose and vision. Remember that the women of the Bible were all met by their husbands at their duty posts; they were all busy when their Adam came.

Mind your business
Have you ever walked from one room to another in order to get something you desperately needed? You either forget it or even when the thing is right there before you, you don’t get to see it. There was this jumpsuit I wanted to wear last week to an event. I searched all over the room but couldn’t find it only to see it when I got back. Something happens when you get too focused on what you are trying to find-you completely lose it. Only when we relax do things begin to happen. The wrong relationship can squeeze the very life out of you. It’s still better waiting for the man to find you as you mind your business. This always was, and always will be the perfect order of a relationship because it’s a spiritual law. So don’t get indignant and tell me, hey, Michelle, this is the twenty first century. God couldn’t care less what year it is.

Let’s face it-men never appreciate anything they don’t have to work for to get.
Amara writes: I was happy to see a man write it clearly on his Facebook wall telling ladies to allow him be the man who does the chasing. According to him, he appreciates more whatever he works hard to get.
Michelle writes: The spirit of conquest is in the heart of every man. When you get a man for yourself, he will cooperate with you for a time as long as it’s convenient for him. But eventually he meets a greater challenge that intrigues him, and he comes up with some smooth way to slither out of the picture. I’m sure this where the expression “Men are snakes” came from. But this could never happen if we women hadn’t paved the way.
When women go in pursuit of men, they end up on the wrong side of town, in the dark, badly wounded, with a torn veil. I know you don’t understand, let me break it down for you. The wrong side of town is outside your God-designed role. Being in the dark means being confused. You eventually find yourself living in insecurity, and insecurity makes you do foolish things that will eventually drive him away. Being badly wounded is the end result of it all. And a torn veil is indicative of being exposed to disgrace, which leaves you open to a spirit of bitterness and rejection. This is what many, so many women are going through today. And this bitterness doesn’t just go by meeting another man and eventually marrying him. The load of bitterness is taken into marriage and that is when you have the innocent man suffering for the sins of other men which took place as a result of the woman’s desperation.
Okay, now for all my twenty first century women who want to puff up their chest and tell me how liberated they are and that “this is no longer a man’s world; we’ve come a long way; this is the year of the woman…” There is nothing new about that conversation. It’s always been the year of the woman because men would be nothing without us. If you have grown to love yourself and if that light of your smile and real feminine glory is bright enough to attract him, he will make an effort to find you and take you home to mama.
Amara writes: The more available you make yourself, the further away your wedding date will be-end of story! My course mate back then in Unilag got married just three months after packing out of the house she lived with her boyfriend for three years. When she came to me lamenting about the guy’s refusal to propose, I simply told her that the guy has no need proposing and if he has proposed, he has no reason to take her to the altar because he is indirectly married. I told her to pack out. She did and just two weeks later, the guy proposed to her and today, they live in the UK as husband and wife. Mind you; two things will happen when you quit the live-in-lover of a thing: He will either plan for your wedding because he wouldn’t want to lose you or he will go to church for a secret thanksgiving.
Michelle writes: “Who can find a virtuous woman? Her price is far above rubies.”. You are the precious jewel; the treasure; he is the hunter. So just sit still and sparkle while he hunts for you. You were not created to be cheap; refuse to be cheap! I don’t care how the world has painted it; there are still real women who know that they are rare gems and they wait to be found. Your business is to find favour before God so that he (the man) finds favour with God when he eventually finds you.
Discernment and desperation have never been good friends. Boot out desperation, get busy with purpose, and say hello to self satisfaction. When you are satisfied and pleased with yourself, subconsciously, you begin to smile from the inside out. You no longer have time for hatred and bitterness. You just start loving everyone and everything around you. Your problem may not even be your age. Your problem could be a heart full of hatred and bitterness. You are so frustrated in life that everyone around you gets a share of it. My dear, put on some smile. If you can start smiling today and get busy doing something positive, some man will be attracted to the light of your smile.
Amara writes: Don’t forget; the beauty of a woman is her character. Work on yourself. Drop the garbage that should be dropped and pick up what should be kept. Let your beauty shine from inside out.
Credits to Michelle McKinney Hammond- Secrets of an irresistible woman

30 Responses so far.

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Simply awesome! Thanks for this piece

  2. ifeoma Egeonu says:

    Fabulous. ….

  3. Ify Ihedoro says:

    Am really happy for this piece God bless you.

  4. Mahjeeq Phinga says:

    Nice piece! But the problem is WOMEN themselves…a lot of them do NOT want to hear the truth…! They want to have things the way it is in Hollywood. And so the hunter uses a bait with a ‘target’ of leading her down her ‘movie-like’ imagination, rather than hunt her for keeps and nurture her in love! The good thing is, there are still some sensible women out there, but the preparation is so dilute that the ‘provisional diagnosis’ is almost always ‘she likes lies’! Men are on the look out for women who would genuinely challenge them, and however tasking it might have been to win such a woman, he will have more reasons to keep her than one!!! I’m done here!!!!

  5. Nsude says:

    This piece is just to good for every aspiring lady to take a hold of and live by every details of the counsel in it. Truly, you are a BLESSING!

  6. George says:

    What does it mean to love? This standard you are giving, are they God‘s standards?

  7. ngozi orji says:

    nice piece.

  8. ify says:

    Super write up,u ve said it all and u re so on point.thnks so much for the encouragement…..God Bless u more!

  9. ozioma says:

    thanks anunty Amara. i hve been enriched. it been single nd satisfied till the rite person comes.

  10. Cyndi says:

    You are simply a blessing to women!

  11. Lucia says:

    True… Are they Gods standards? I like your points. I however would prefer that they have biblical reference points to guide us. Great job!

  12. onyii says:

    True talk!

  13. chigozie says:

    I will show my sis dis wonderful article. thanks Ma

  14. Uju says:

    Thank u very much for this wonderful piece. It came at d right time.

  15. chinwe says:

    wao!!! What an irresistible write up?its encouraging,motivating,inspiring. Infact i wish we all both male n female esp young ladies will chew it,digest it and then bring forth in xter

  16. Iwuamadi Chinonso says:

    Love this. Thanks Amara for your good words and deeds.

  17. ebere says:

    nice one Amara n Michelle

  18. Mbarie Ifunanya says:


  19. Millicent says:

    Thank you so much ma for this piece. I read it at the right time when I needed it most. The latest in my house is that am out of school so the next thing is to get married. But am not disputing that fact, am only against them not thinking I should get a better job or set up a business and that I should be able to set my life on track before getting into my husband’s home. Am simply putting the idea of getting busy before the man finds me. Thank you for this piece, it shows that am on the right track. God bless u richly ma.

  20. tracy says:

    Wonderful piece. Deeply enriched

  21. amina adamu says:

    Tnk u ma!

  22. Amanda says:

    This is sooo cool! Wish and pray it happens as I indulge in it! Came at the right time for more. God help!!!

  23. Ngozi Kindness says:

    Wow….this is great!! as if am the one referring to. have never hunted a man in my life before, men hunt me but I practised that this year out of desperation which nearly cost me my life. I lived in bitterness, hatred and pain. thanks to God who called me back to my senses and made me to quit. Today am a happy person. and thank God for this piece of Advice today. it has really touched my and I believe I won’t make such mistake again in my life.

  24. Ngozi Kindness says:

    Wow….this is great!! as if am the one referring to. have never hunted a man in my life before, men hunt me but I practised that this year out of desperation which nearly cost me my life. I lived in bitterness, hatred and pain. thanks to God who called me back to my senses and made me to quit. Today am a happy person. and thank God for this piece of Advice today. it has really touched my and I believe I won’t make such mistake again in my life. Am happy.

  25. ogey says:

    Wow! This is too good! Thanks ma’am for this wonderful write up am inspired.

  26. Oge says:

    Lovely piece. From experience, everything said here is true.

  27. zimuel says:

    #fact.. better days ahead

  28. helen says:

    well said….all we need is patience, being focused…everything happens at its time!

  29. helen says:

    well said.only if we can be patient enough, being focused. knowing that there everything happens at its time.When we get a life and seek God, everything falls into place.

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